Today starts a new day! My first day off from working my 9-5 job. A new chapter. Now I will be able to make my own work schedule and I CAN NOT WAIT to go back to actors connecting and be again inspired here!!!!!!!!!!!!! NY HERE I COME TODAY.
I AM INSPIRED HERE
by the buildings, by the ground
by the people.
They are real. They are honest. They are similar in their
differences
and I love them.
I AM INSPIRED BY
the women going thru her day with two kids on her hands
and one in her belly.
protecting her children from the dangers of the day
by EXPOSING them to the truths in the world
but holding onto them for dear life as
they cross the subway gap TOGETHER AS A FAMILY.
I AM INSPIRED BY
a city full of artists who have real conversations
that are supportive and thought provoking
with people they
DON'T EVEN KNOW
I AM INSPIRED
by a theatre community of people who SUPPORT each other
in their art, not hateful out of jealousy.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
My New Lesson....
This week I learned a new lesson and I'm thrilled to share it with you!
My whole life I have been a VERY goal oriented person. Never living in the "now" I was always preparing for my future. For example graduating High School at 16 and College at 20. Although I KNOW happiness lies in the NOW, by personality flaw (if you will) I always feel the need to be working towards the next chapter of my life.
Before I moved to NY, I started my own bible study book in an effort to keep my eyes fixed on what really matters in life. This book WHICH I RECOMMEND HIGHLY TO ALL OF MY GIRLFRIENDS is called Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. The first part of this book is a filled with inspiring stories woven around ideas from scripture. The second half is a journal that provokes you to write about how it relates to your life.
Anyway, I approached this book with the same intensity and diligence I do everything else. I was faithful to reading and journaling in this book every saingle day for about 6 weeks before I moved. After I moved I was very busy and slacked off. When I picked the book up again a few weeks after I moved I began to feel guilty for not keeping up with it. The guilt kept me from starting it up again.
Last night I wanted to read the book SO BAD, but COULDN'T LET MYSELF because I felt like unless I was 1000% committed to doing the journal I felt like there was no point! Then, last night I realized I MISSED reading the book. That I was getting a LOT out of the book even if I wasn't doing the journal faithfully after. So.....last night I made the decision to read the book as much as my heart wanted to and not hold anything against myself it I didn't "FINISH" it with writing in the journal........ and you know what????
I LOVED IT!!! I LEARNED FROM IT AND I FELT CONNECTED TO GOD AND HAPPIER ALL DAY BECAUSE OF IT! What I realized is that I have a bad habit of holding things against myself and not ALLOWING myself to enjoy something my OWN way. I don't need to do things the way they are "expected" to be done or the way the rules imply.
I guess what I learned is......
I can live life MY way and STILL BE HAPPY AND JUST FINE, regardless of what the "rules" have taught me. That means I DON'T need to be hard on myself FOR ANY OF MY DECISIONS.
So today I made another BIG DECISION, and I'm happy. I have decided to take some time off of performing. (I know, don't freek out) I've NEVER done this my WHOLE LIFE, and you know what I realize is that the THOUGHT of not having it scares me because I LOVE IT SO MUCH, but that's what insures me I'll go back to it.
For the next two weeks I'm going to work a normal job in the office of Amerivents, get an amazing pay check, run my dog at night and live a life outside of what I have been doing my whole life. Then I will LET MYSELF DO THIS WITHOUT JUDGMENT AND ONLY WITH ABSOLUTE LOVE FOR MYSELF. This, I feel, will teach me thinks I never would understand otherwise.
My whole life I have been a VERY goal oriented person. Never living in the "now" I was always preparing for my future. For example graduating High School at 16 and College at 20. Although I KNOW happiness lies in the NOW, by personality flaw (if you will) I always feel the need to be working towards the next chapter of my life.
Before I moved to NY, I started my own bible study book in an effort to keep my eyes fixed on what really matters in life. This book WHICH I RECOMMEND HIGHLY TO ALL OF MY GIRLFRIENDS is called Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. The first part of this book is a filled with inspiring stories woven around ideas from scripture. The second half is a journal that provokes you to write about how it relates to your life.
Anyway, I approached this book with the same intensity and diligence I do everything else. I was faithful to reading and journaling in this book every saingle day for about 6 weeks before I moved. After I moved I was very busy and slacked off. When I picked the book up again a few weeks after I moved I began to feel guilty for not keeping up with it. The guilt kept me from starting it up again.
Last night I wanted to read the book SO BAD, but COULDN'T LET MYSELF because I felt like unless I was 1000% committed to doing the journal I felt like there was no point! Then, last night I realized I MISSED reading the book. That I was getting a LOT out of the book even if I wasn't doing the journal faithfully after. So.....last night I made the decision to read the book as much as my heart wanted to and not hold anything against myself it I didn't "FINISH" it with writing in the journal........ and you know what????
I LOVED IT!!! I LEARNED FROM IT AND I FELT CONNECTED TO GOD AND HAPPIER ALL DAY BECAUSE OF IT! What I realized is that I have a bad habit of holding things against myself and not ALLOWING myself to enjoy something my OWN way. I don't need to do things the way they are "expected" to be done or the way the rules imply.
I guess what I learned is......
I can live life MY way and STILL BE HAPPY AND JUST FINE, regardless of what the "rules" have taught me. That means I DON'T need to be hard on myself FOR ANY OF MY DECISIONS.
So today I made another BIG DECISION, and I'm happy. I have decided to take some time off of performing. (I know, don't freek out) I've NEVER done this my WHOLE LIFE, and you know what I realize is that the THOUGHT of not having it scares me because I LOVE IT SO MUCH, but that's what insures me I'll go back to it.
For the next two weeks I'm going to work a normal job in the office of Amerivents, get an amazing pay check, run my dog at night and live a life outside of what I have been doing my whole life. Then I will LET MYSELF DO THIS WITHOUT JUDGMENT AND ONLY WITH ABSOLUTE LOVE FOR MYSELF. This, I feel, will teach me thinks I never would understand otherwise.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
My New Job
Well, as of this week I'm a full time employee of Amerivents catering company. It seems after they hired me to work their events as a server, they then reviewed my resume and realized they needed me in the office to assist with hiring people for events. It seems to be the perfect job for me because I will be putting in my time as a full time 40 hr a week employee for a few weeks, until we have finished staffing the Big Apple BBQ, then my boss has assured me that I will be able to take as much time off as needed to auditions in the future, while still making my 40 hours a week either in the office or at night events.
I decided to take time off from auditioning until there are more auditions that will hire non union and give them their equity card. This will give me enough time to save my money and go back to auditions when I am stable AND have my equity card which will ensure me I will be seen.
I'm TIRED, but I'm OPTIMISTIC.
On another note, I have decided to finally start writing my book. I started last week and as soon as I have some time off I'll be headed to central park with Lucy to settle in with my journal and write away! I've already started on it and it's coming along great! More on that soon!!
lots of love!!
I decided to take time off from auditioning until there are more auditions that will hire non union and give them their equity card. This will give me enough time to save my money and go back to auditions when I am stable AND have my equity card which will ensure me I will be seen.
I'm TIRED, but I'm OPTIMISTIC.
On another note, I have decided to finally start writing my book. I started last week and as soon as I have some time off I'll be headed to central park with Lucy to settle in with my journal and write away! I've already started on it and it's coming along great! More on that soon!!
lots of love!!
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