My New Lesson....

This week I learned a new lesson and I'm thrilled to share it with you!

My whole life I have been a VERY goal oriented person. Never living in the "now" I was always preparing for my future. For example graduating High School at 16 and College at 20. Although I KNOW happiness lies in the NOW, by personality flaw (if you will) I always feel the need to be working towards the next chapter of my life.

Before I moved to NY, I started my own bible study book in an effort to keep my eyes fixed on what really matters in life. This book WHICH I RECOMMEND HIGHLY TO ALL OF MY GIRLFRIENDS is called Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. The first part of this book is a filled with inspiring stories woven around ideas from scripture. The second half is a journal that provokes you to write about how it relates to your life.

Anyway, I approached this book with the same intensity and diligence I do everything else. I was faithful to reading and journaling in this book every saingle day for about 6 weeks before I moved. After I moved I was very busy and slacked off. When I picked the book up again a few weeks after I moved I began to feel guilty for not keeping up with it. The guilt kept me from starting it up again.

Last night I wanted to read the book SO BAD, but COULDN'T LET MYSELF because I felt like unless I was 1000% committed to doing the journal I felt like there was no point! Then, last night I realized I MISSED reading the book. That I was getting a LOT out of the book even if I wasn't doing the journal faithfully after. So.....last night I made the decision to read the book as much as my heart wanted to and not hold anything against myself it I didn't "FINISH" it with writing in the journal........ and you know what????

I LOVED IT!!! I LEARNED FROM IT AND I FELT CONNECTED TO GOD AND HAPPIER ALL DAY BECAUSE OF IT! What I realized is that I have a bad habit of holding things against myself and not ALLOWING myself to enjoy something my OWN way. I don't need to do things the way they are "expected" to be done or the way the rules imply.

I guess what I learned is......
I can live life MY way and STILL BE HAPPY AND JUST FINE, regardless of what the "rules" have taught me. That means I DON'T need to be hard on myself FOR ANY OF MY DECISIONS.

So today I made another BIG DECISION, and I'm happy. I have decided to take some time off of performing. (I know, don't freek out) I've NEVER done this my WHOLE LIFE, and you know what I realize is that the THOUGHT of not having it scares me because I LOVE IT SO MUCH, but that's what insures me I'll go back to it.

For the next two weeks I'm going to work a normal job in the office of Amerivents, get an amazing pay check, run my dog at night and live a life outside of what I have been doing my whole life. Then I will LET MYSELF DO THIS WITHOUT JUDGMENT AND ONLY WITH ABSOLUTE LOVE FOR MYSELF. This, I feel, will teach me thinks I never would understand otherwise.